olbigjim

A Piedmont Porchlight Story by Ol’ Big Jim & His Faithful Scribe

Now it so happened that Jimmy Matthew had gotten ahold of a book he had no business owning, on account of it being borrowed, underlined, and never returned to the school library. Inside it were stories about clever jackals, foolish holy men, and tigers who should’ve known better. Jimmy read them with his feet on the desk, and his chair tipped back. Everybody knows that’s the posture of all bad ideas.

Jim Leroy watched him suspiciously.

“I don’t like that look,” Jim said. “That’s the look you had right before the glue incident.”

“This here’s educational,” Jimmy said. “Listen to this. Tiger trapped in a cage. Brahman comes along. Tiger says, ‘Let me out, and I won’t eat you.’ Brahman lets him out. Tiger says, ‘I’m eatin’ you anyway.’”

Jim nodded. “That tracks.”

“Then the jackal comes along and tricks the tiger back into the cage,” Jimmy said. “Moral of the story is, don’t be dumb, and also don’t trust anything with stripes.”

Jimmy closed the book and smiled a slow, thoughtful smile.

Jim groaned. “No. Whatever it is you’re thinkin’ about, no.”

But Jimmy was already thinking it.

By lunchtime, Jimmy had improved the story.

Instead of a tiger, they had Ol’ Man Pritchard’s mule, which was as mean as a striped snake. He bit, kicked, and held grudges. Instead of a cage, they had the football equipment shed, which had a door that latched but didn’t lock. Instead of a Brahman, they had Eddie Watson, who was helpful to a fault and not burdened with suspicion.

Jimmy leaned against the shed and sighed real dramatic.

“Jim,” he said, “I reckon life’s about to teach somebody a lesson.”

Jim crossed his arms. “Which somebody?”

“Well,” Jimmy said, “I reckon that depends on how the lesson goes.”

They told Eddie the mule was trapped and scared and just needed somebody kind-hearted to help it out. Eddie believed it because Eddie believed most things, especially if they were spoken earnestly and involved heroism.

Sure enough, Eddie opened the shed door, and the mule came out like it had been insulted personally by the very idea of kindness.

The mule chased Eddie clear across the field, and the lesson appeared to be forming nicely.

That was when the story took a turn.

The mule cornered Eddie against the fence, ears back, eyes mean, hooves ready to write history. Eddie looked terrified. Jimmy’s grin slid off his face.

“Well,” Jimmy muttered, “this part didn’t go like the book.”

Jim didn’t hesitate. “You distract it.”

“Me,” Jimmy said. “How?”

“You’re the jackal,” Jim said. “You figure it out.”

Jimmy swallowed and stepped forward, talking fast.

“Now hold on,” he said to the mule, as if it might listen. “Ain’t you curious how you got out of that shed in the first place?”

The mule paused, which was unexpected and probably temporary.

Jimmy kept going. “Reckon a smart mule like you wouldn’t just bust out any old way. You’d want to prove you could do it again. For pride. For science.”

The mule stared at him. Jim would later swear it looked thoughtful.

Jim darted behind it and swung the shed door open.

Jimmy pointed. “Go on then. Show us.”

The mule snorted, turned, and stomped back into the shed, possibly to demonstrate dominance, possibly because mules are contrary creatures who hate being told what not to do.

Jim slammed the door shut.

They stood there breathing hard.

Eddie slid down off the fence and started laughing, mostly because he was still alive.

Jimmy wiped his forehead. “I reckon the moral is, don’t borrow trouble you can’t outrun.”

Jim nodded. “Or don’t improve stories unless you’re ready to finish ’em.”

They let the mule out later when Ol’ Man Pritchard came looking for it, and nobody told him how it got in there to begin with. That’s another moral, but it’s an unspoken one.

Jimmy returned the book the next day, minus a corner of the cover.

He said he’d learned something.

Jim said that was the most dangerous part.

And somewhere, if stories keep score, a tiger probably shook its head and said, “Boys never change.”

Which is true.

And just as well.

⁂

New Yesterdays can be found at: Books-A-Million, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon, as well as your favorite bookshops. The Audiobook is available from Libro.fm, as well as Amazon.