Grammar at the Bar

Today, I thought I’d go in a different direction. I was thinking about the funny Oxford Comma memes that pop up from time to time. I floated about on the internet, looking for ideas and came upon Oxford Comma Jokes. What follows is a copy/paste from their site. I hope you’ll be amused, too.

A Grammar Book Walks Into a Bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

* An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

* Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

* A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

* Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

* A question mark walks into a bar?

* A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

* Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

* A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

* A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

* Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

* A synonym strolls into a tavern.

* At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

* A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

* Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

* A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

* An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

* The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

* A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

* The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

* A dyslexic walks into a bra.

* A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

* A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

* A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

* A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

–Jill Thomas Doyle

Well, wasn’t that cute? And, the cartoons didn’t hurt things. I appreciate you coming by my place today. Please come again. Sooner or later you’ll find something you enjoy! Y’all come back now, you hear?

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Copyright 2021, Jim L Wright – All rights reserved.


About Ol' Big Jim

Ol' Big Jim, has been a storekeeper, an embalmer, a hospital orderly, a medical biller, and through it all, a teller of tall tales. Many of his stories, like his first book, New Yesterdays, are set in his hometown of Piedmont, Alabama. For seven years, he lived in the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world, Amman, Jordan where he spends his time trying to visit each one of the thousands of Ammani coffee shops and scribbling in his ever-present notebook. These days, you can find him back stateside, still filling notebooks.
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5 Responses to Grammar at the Bar

  1. Excellent, Jim. Good laughs here.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Steven McNees says:

    I enjoyed your witty context I had to look up the definitions of a feud of the words. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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