They say travel broadens the mind. What they don’t tell you is that it also rearranges your calendar, tosses your phone in a peat bog, and gets you almost betrothed to a kilted stranger named Angus. All this before breakfast!

I recently had the accidental pleasure of stumbling into Brigadoon, the famously elusive Scottish village that only appears once every hundred years. That’s right. You blink and it’s gone. You sneeze and you miss it. But somehow, I tripped over a heather-covered hillock while trying to take a selfie with a highland cow and boom! I was in Brigadoon.

My first impression? Quaint. Like a “Pinterest board come to life” quaint. Thatched roofs, tartan everything, and people who think 1745 was last week. I tried asking for the nearest Starbucks and was met with confused stares and someone handing me a mug of boiled thistle.

Here are a few highlights of my accidental visit. First, was the Welcome Parade. A bagpiper in full regalia welcomed me with a melody I believe was intended to frighten off evil spirits or, possibly, tourists. My ears still haven’t recovered and I swear one of my fillings came loose.

Then, there was the pub. “The Droolin’ Haggis”, I swear it’s true! I ordered a whiskey and got a pint of something called “Mist of the Glen” that tasted like burnt moss but gave me the confidence to try Scottish country dancing. My ankles have filed a formal complaint.

Then there was the romance subplot. Apparently, Brigadoon operates under the Disney-Princess Rule of Engagement: if you lock eyes with someone for more than three seconds, you’re basically engaged. So, now I have a fiancé named Rory who bakes Bannocks and talks to goats as if they’re people. I’m not angry about it.

Lastly, there’s the time problem. Brigadoon only wakes up for 24 hours every century, so you can imagine the chaos when I asked, “Do you guys stream anything?”

“Stream? Oh aye,” someone answered, gesturing to a bubbling creek.

“No, I mean like Netflix.”

More confused stares. A wee child started crying.

Lessons learnt:

• Haggis is not a Pokémon.
• Never ask a Scotsman what’s under his kilt unless you really want to know.
• Bagpipes are not a morning instrument.
• Time travel ruins your to-do list. I missed three meetings and accidentally ghosted my dentist.

How I got out: The elders warned me: stay past sunset and I’d be trapped in Brigadoon forever, which sounds romantic until you realize they still use chamber pots and think the Spanish Armada might show up “any day now”.

So, I did what any sensible 21^st century person would do. I ran like hell toward the mist, waving my Apple watch for GPS signal and praying to Steve Jobs.

I woke up in a muddy field with one shoe, a sprig of heather behind my ear, and a vague sense that I’d been in a musical. There was also a goat beside me. I’m still not sure whose it was.

My final verdict. Would I go back to Brigadoon? Absolutely. But next time, I’m bringing snacks, a charger, and a prenup. Until then, Rory, if you’re reading this in the year 2125, save me a Bannock and give Angus my regards.

#TartanTroubles #Accidental Time Traveler #SendWiFi

If you haven’t already, head on over to your favorite bookshop and get your copy of New Yesterdays. It’s just waiting to get into your sweaty hands!