Aunt Willie’s Crackers

I was just thinking about family lore. You know; the stories people like to tell or tell on each other at family gatherings. This is one of the funniest stories about my Aunt Willie and Uncle Coley.

Uncle Coley was, like most of the family, a bit of a prankster. He loved to “get someone’s goat” in order to have something to laugh at. This one though was done over time, which made it all the more delicious.

Willie was in the kitchen cooking dinner, the mid-day meal when Coley swanned in from some escapade or another. He certainly wasn’t out working like he was meant to be.

He headed for the back door and Willie stopped him. “Where are you off to?” Coley stopped and thought for a minute. I reckon I’ll go down to Miss Myrtle’s store for some tobacco.

“Well, get some soda crackers while you’re there. I’m making some vegetable soup for Daddy’s dinner.” Coley already had one foot out the door and gave a grunt of assent. He knew damned well he wasn’t worried about some soda crackers. He had a bit of fun on his mind.

As he walked along the road, nearing Miss Myrtle’s store he heard the shrieking whistle of the Southern Railways train as it struggled up the hill headed toward Birmingham and parts west. Without giving it a second thought, he ran to the railroad, knowing the train would still be moving quite slowly by the time it arrived at the crossing.

The open side door in the boxcar was all the invitation he needed. With a quick jog and sudden lifting of his knees, he was on his way. As the story goes, he managed to evade detection and didn’t jump off the train until they pulled into Phoenix, Arizona!

No one in the family had ever been so far from home! He piddled around the bustling city and landed a job working in the fields. It was hard, sweaty work and it didn’t suit him but he had to eat and sleep, didn’t he?

Depending on who was telling the story he was gone anywhere from three to six months when he decided it was time to go home. So, he jumped another train, and off he went riding into the sunrise.

When the train passed through Jacksonville, Coley made ready to jump. He knew the train would be going a bit faster in this direction, but he knew just where to leap from the boxcar to land in the soft embrace of the kudzu growing next to the tracks.

“Damn! That was a rough landing!” Coley gingerly got to his feet and dusted himself off, ensuring nothing was broken, and started the short walk to the house. Rounding a short bend in the road, Miss Myrtle’s store came emerged from the morning fog and a sly smile crept across Coley’s face.

The screen door slammed. Coley found himself in the somewhat dark, pungent-smelling grocery run by Myrtle Cranston. He wandered around a bit until Miss Myrtle peered at him over her glasses.

“What can I get for ye, boy?” Startled, Coley whipped around to see the old lady standing next to the enormous cash register. “Willie wanted me to get some soda crackers for Daddy’s dinner.”

He made his purchase and jaunted out of the store with a new spring in his step and a wide grin on his face. Within minutes he was walking in the back door. As usual, Willie was cooking dinner. The kitchen was hot and so was Willie’s legendary temper.

Coley casually tossed a paper sack onto the table. “What’s in that sack?” His grin widened; “It’s for you. You told me to stop at Miss Myrtles for some soda crackers.”

Willie’s face turned ghastly white and then suddenly reddened to the point of bursting into flames. “Damn you boy, I asked for them crackers six damn months ago!”

“You didn’t say when you wanted them; you just said to bring you some…”

Willie rounded the table, murder in her eyes. Coley made a hasty exit through the back door, howling with laughter.

Many, many years later Willie would still get angry when that story was told. I miss the stories of the old ones.

Y’all come back now, you hear?

About Ol' Big Jim

Jim L. Wright is a storyteller with a lifetime of experiences as colorful as the characters he creates. Born and raised in Piedmont, Alabama, Jim’s connection to the land, history, and people of the region runs deep. His debut novel New Yesterdays is set in his hometown, where he grew up listening to stories of the past—stories that sparked his imagination and curiosity for history. Today, Jim lives in Leeds, Alabama, with his husband Zeek, a tour operator who shares his passion for adventure and discovery. Known affectionately as “Ol’ Big Jim,” he has had a diverse career that includes time as a storekeeper, an embalmer, a hospital orderly, and a medical coder. There are even whispers—unconfirmed, of course—that he once played piano in a house of ill repute. No matter the job, one thing has remained constant: Jim is a teller of tales. His stories—sometimes humorous, sometimes thought-provoking—are often inspired by his unique life experiences. Many of these tales can be found on his popular blog, Ol’ Big Jim, where he continues to share his musings with a loyal readership. Jim’s adventures have taken him far beyond Alabama. For seven years, he lived in Amman, Jordan, the world’s oldest continuously inhabited city. His time there, spent in smoky coffee shops, enjoying a hookah and a cup of tea while scribbling in his ever-present notebook, deeply influenced his worldview and his writing. When Jim isn’t writing, he’s thinking about writing. His stories, whether tall tales from his past or imaginative reimagining is of historical events should read from his past or imaginative reimaginings of historical events, reflect a life lived fully and authentically. With New Yesterdays, Jim brings readers a rich tapestry of history, fantasy, and human connection. Visit his blog at www.olbigjim.com to read more of his stories, or follow him on social media to keep up with his latest musings and projects, one of which is a series that follows Bonita McCauley, an amateur detective who gets into some very sticky situations. His book, New Yesterdays, can be found at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Smashwords, and Barnes and Noble.

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